Deplorable costs of eating

Today this despicable thing came across my Twitter feed:

eat garbage

I don’t know who this wretched creature is, nor do I even know if it’s male or female. I’m guessing female due to its use of the feminist phrase of “fat shaming.” Doesn’t matter, though. It’s wrong either way. Let’s break down everything wrong with this tweet, which is so dumb I can scarcely believe the person who wrote it can even operate an electronic device.

Firstly, this person has no idea what healthy eating actually looks like. They went out and bought a few pounds of fructose, a whole bunch of carbs, and a very, very tiny bit of protein. There’s very little of much nutritional value for $32. This is just a bunch of “nature’s candy,” and it’s not even all that natural. These crops have been manipulated to be juicier and much sweeter than they ever appeared in nature.

Secondly, I don’t know where this person is shopping to pay $32 for this tiny amount of food. Tradwife’s out of town, but one of our regular circulars came in the mail today. It doesn’t exactly match the food in the tweet, lacking pineapple and raspberries, but let’s take a quick look at some equivalent items:

  • Green seedless grapes are $.99/lb. So that’s two bucks.
  • Strawberries are $.99/lb. So that’s a buck.
  • Let’s splurge a little and get some juicy cantaloupe. It’s 6 pounds for $.99!

Whew, lad! We’re at a whole $4 for some of nature’s candy, leaving us with $28 to spend. Twenty. Eight. Dollars.

I don’t see any peanuts in the circular, but let’s say we want some protein. Ya know, one of those things that satiates you and grows strong lean muscle (assuming one sets foot in a gym or does a bodyweight workout — big assumption with this Tweeter). Here are a few things in this week’s circular:

  • Medium eggs are 40 for $3. Yes, you read that right: two 20 packs for $3.
  • Boneless skinless chicken breast is $2/lb.
  • Bone-in chicken drums and thighs are all of $.79/lb.
  • Ground beef is $2.50/lb.
  • Beef chuck steak or roast is $2.89/lb.

Let’s say we buy a pound of chicken breast, a pound each of chicken drums and thighs, two pounds of ground beef, and a pound of chuck steak. Let’s pretend we stupidly don’t like eggs that much, even though they’re pretty much nature’s most perfect food, and we only get 20. We’ve spent $13 on protein that’ll last a family a week, never mind a single person or a couple. Thirteen. Dollars.

No, it’s not grass-fed, organic hippie protein, but that crap only matters way out on the margins. This is still way better than the preservative-laden glorified pink slime that passes for meat at McDonald’s. Lookout, though! We only have $15 left to spend on produce and drinks! Let’s head on over to eyefuck this week’s fresh produce, shall we?

  • Green beans are $.99/lb.
  • Tomatoes are $.69/lb.
  • Carrots are 3 lbs for $.99.
  • Cucumbers are 4 for $.99.
  • Avocados (technically a berry, and super nutritionally dense) are expensive this week at 2 for $.99.
  • Hell, let’s even throw in some corn on the cob, though it has basically no nutritional value. Some people like it, and four ears are $.99.

So let’s buy a pound of green beans, two pounds of tomatoes, three pounds of carrots, all four cukes, six delicious avocados, and four ears of pointless-but-tasty corn. Uh oh, that’s $8.31, which we’ll round up to an even $9. Nine. Dollars.

So that leaves $6. Our math-challenged Tweeter apparently likes soft drinks (clearly a moral failing) even though there’s a picture of water. But whatever. Two-liters of Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up and Squirt are all on sale this week for $.99 each. Oh goody! 12 liters of sugary, fizzy poison to guzzle while sitting on the couch watching cable TV that costs $110/month while tweeting on a $600 iPhone!

And now we’ve hit $32. Thirty. Two. Dollars. And that’s without wasting a dime on nutritionally-empty, carb-heavy cheap foods like white bread, pasta and rice. A couple could EASILY live a week on this, and probably more. And that includes leftovers for lunches at work (I’m generously assuming our Tweeter has a job).

So now let’s compare that to $32 spent at McDonald’s. In 2015, the average customer at McD’s spend $4.72 for a meal. Those meals included such lovely features as carb-laden sugary white buns, the aforementioned pink slime “meat,” heavily-processed American “cheese,” various sweetened condiments, frozen French fries cooked in some kind of recycled oil, and “soft drinks” that are basically designed to cause diabetes. (All the better for Big Pharma to sell you insulin!)

Let’s be extremely generous and say that — since McDonald’s was forced by popular demand to bring back a bunch of cheap “dollar menu” items — the average meal in 2017 cost $4.50. ¬†That means our intrepid (no, I really mean that) Tweeter can buy seven meals at McDonald’s. Seven. Meals.

Or, ya know, meals for two days and a breakfast. Not meals for a week. Not even meals for half that. Two. Days. And. A. Breakfast.

Of. Crappy. Borderline. Poisonous. Addictive. Food. Like. Substance.

I’ve now spent 40 minutes breaking this down. I don’t know why. The entire reason the Tweeter tweeted the tweet was so they can make excuses for their laziness, and justify poisoning themselves with things designed by food engineers to keep them addicted to poisonous garbage. Because. It’s. Easy.

Easier than looking at a circular.

Easier than finding a grocery store that’s not a convenient corner bodega or snooty Whole Foods.

Easier than pushing a cart through a store.

Easier than comparison shopping.

Easier than planning meals based on what’s on sale this week.

Easier than chopping and freezing and thawing and seasoning and cooking.

As the great Ed Latimore once wrote, in a far more intelligent tweet, “There are no shortcuts to anything worth having.” Doesn’t matter if it’s health, money, or simple pride. The creature who wrote the tweet above will have none of these things. It’ll continue justifying its McDonald’s trips, probably until the day it’s dying of diabetes, missing limbs, and incurring the costs of its palliative treatment on the rest of us.

Don’t be that creature. Be a deplorable consumer.


PS…All that ranting aside, I just watched¬†The Founder on Netflix. Excellent movie about Ray Kroc, the vicious cutthroat who made McDonald’s what it is. Recommended!



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