A Deplorable Blazer

As I’ve mentioned, I’m vain as fuck and like dressing (reasonably) well. I have several blazers that I’ve owned for varying amounts of time, including one I wore to my father’s wedding in 1995 that’s finally come back into style. But as I’ve learned more about men’s style – start here to get an education on that – I’ve become dissatisfied with little things on each of the blazers I own. Not enough that I don’t want to wear them, mind you, just enough that I’m not 100% happy with any of them.

I’m very much looking forward to taking Tradwife to Sonoma next week, and we have dinner reservations at a nice place in Healdsburg to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. I wanted a nice blazer that was appropriate to that environment without being too terribly dressy, as well as wear on the many other occasions I have to wear a blazer, whether for work or recreation.

But of course I am a deplorable consumer, and there’s no way I was going to spend several hundred dollars on a blazer. One day during my lunch break I took a trip to the nearby Dillard’s clearance center. They have decent-quality stuff and everything’s marked down. I found a blue-checked blazer that I liked that fit me extremely well (except the sleeves – it’s always the damn sleeves on my stubby arms). It was $103, marked down from $295. I liked it a lot, but couldn’t quite justify the $103 price since we’re paying for the Sonoma trip entirely with cash we’ve saved.

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I sat on the thought of the blazer for over a week, but I kept thinking about it and how much I liked it. Yesterday I decided to go back. My plan was to try it on again, find some flaws in the fit or construction, and talk myself out of it completely. This has worked for me on many occasions.

Well, I got to the store and all men’s sport coats were 50% off. Now the thing was $56 out the door. I tried it on again, half hoping to see prole gap at the neck or some other disqualifying flaw. Dammit, it fit perfectly (except those damned sleeves).*

I caved. I decided to buy the thing. $56 was just too deplorable for me to pass up. The thing was $295 at retail. Yes, of course I paid cash for it. What I also couldn’t resist were a couple of excellent pocket squares at a whopping $3 each – marked down from $34 each – to go with the new blazer.

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I suddenly felt like I was impulsively buying a candy bar while checking out of the grocery store. I had to get out with a shred of deplorable consumer cred still remaining!

Tradwife brought the blazer to our local veteran-owned dry cleaner/alterations shop, where she’ll whack an inch off the sleeves so it fits me supremely well, so that’ll add a few more shekels to the price. Not very deplorable!

They say everything’s 100% off when you don’t buy it, but I wanted this blazer. And I’ll look damn good having a nice dinner in wine country, at the symphony, at after-hours events at trade shows, in Vegas, and at the annual Brewhaha in Flagstaff. And my rationalization hamster just keeps on spinning!

*Side note to the fat old man wheezing his way through men’s section: if you’re 80 pounds overweight, dressed in camouflage cargo shorts, a t-shirt that’s a size too small and barely covers your giant gut, with white athletic socks up to your knees, please don’t presume to tell me how a slim-fit blazer is supposed to fit.

 

 

 

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